Saved
by vansen58
Summary: Jess never expected to see him again.  AU
1. Chapter 1

**AU. Sometime season 2. AU.**

**SPNSPSPN**

Saved

Jess didn't really know what she expected of this road trip. Her friends promised adventure and fun and freedom and it was her senior year, so why the hell not, right? She didn't really know what she expected.

She definitely never expected to see _him_ again.

It was hard finding a back road bar where four girls could spend the night, have fun and be safe. They didn't really thought that part of the whole 'lets-just-go-where-the-road-takes-us-no-plans' thing. But this bar was supposedly owned by a woman and her daughter and as shady as it looked on the outside, it would have to do for tonight.

They walk in, get themselves a table and Jess is just about to sit when she hears it.

"Hey… Winchester!"

Her heart almost jumps out of her ribcage at the name. Her friends all turn to her as she scans the room towards the man being called…

… and it's not him.

He's pretty, though. But not him.

The blond man turns around looking annoyed to the wiry, very weird looking man calling out for him.

"I thought you said we were going to play some more…"

'Winchester' chuckles. "We are, Ash. I'm just grabbing something in the car. Sammy can keep you entertained till I get back…"

Jess freezes.

She follows the man's nod to a table in the back. There, looking down at some papers, he just waves a hand, not even looking up. "Yeah, Ash, come here… could use your help, man."

_Him._

Sam.


	2. Chapter 2

_Sam._

He is different. Older. Not two-years-older. Older, like... _hardened_. His hair is longer and he lost the bangs she once loved so much. And he is… bulkier. A lot bulkier. He's wearing jeans ans a plaid shirt and is that a gun on his waistband? He looks like something out of a cowboy movie.

"Jess, is that…", Carly asks, but she misses the end of the question.

She just blinks. Transfixed.

She hadn't seen him in two years. But the pain hit her now as if it was that day all over again.

That day, when she woke up alone to find Sam's side of the closet emptied and his phone disconnected.

He disappeared. Dropped out, didn't even show up at the school office to do it properly. Just disappeared out of thin air.

For awhile, she thought something had happened. He was kidnapped. Murdered. But kidnappers didn't take all their hostage's possessions and murderers usually didn't kill their victim's phones.

No, it was like he suddenly never existed.

He didn't even leave a note.

Those weeks were… so… surreal. She tries hard never to remember them.

First, Sam started having these nightmares. These shattering nightmares, that made him wake up panting and breathing out her name. Trembling, like a child, holding on to her for dear life.

She asked him to talk to her about them. For weeks. Then she gave up and told him to talk to someone. Anyone. Someone he could trust.

A few nights before he disappeared, she thought he finally had. He woke up to another nightmare and instead of holding her like he usually did, he grabbed his phone and went to the bathroom. She didn't mean to really eavesdrop, and it's not like she got much of the conversation, with the way he was whispering and all. But he was talking to someone about his dreams. A guy. Someone he clearly trusted, because she never heard that tone, that desperate tone in his voice before. She never saw him letting anyone in like that.

She fell asleep felling somewhat hopeful he would get better. Things would get better.

Next week, he was gone.

Then, the other, Brady showed up dead. Beaten to death.

It was too much and she spiraled out of control. She moved back to her parents' and lost a whole school year before she managed to put at least part of herself back together. That's why she's only graduating now, after her entire class. Why she agreed to this road trip in the first place. She was slowly… healing.

Operative word being _was_.

Because now she's standing in a bar in the middle of nowhere looking at _Sam Winchester _for the first time in two years.

She rehearsed what she would say to him if she ever saw him again. So many times. She knows it by heart.

She never gets the chance.


	3. Chapter 3

She only realizes something is going on when his head shots up and he is moving to the door in an impossible speed. Half the bar follows him. Jess finds herself going after him too.

There, the other-Winchester is in the middle of a fight against four men.

Sam jumps the nearest one, fists flying.

He knows how to fight. Did she ever really know him, really?

His opponent is joined by one of his friends when a loud noise interrupts them.

A shot.

Oh my god, where the hell is she?

A woman holding a very large wooden gun is yelling "Enough!".

Probably the bar owner.

"I said it before and I'll say it again. I will _not_ have hunter on hunter on my roadhouse", she barks. "Bartley, you get the hell out of here."

One of the four men straightens up. "This is between me and the boys, Ellen, you stay put."

She points the gun at him. "These are my rules. My roadhouse. So you? You pay attention. The Winchesters are family. You mess with them, you mess with me. And you are no longer welcome in my bar".

The man snorts. Then laughs.

"Winchesters are family? Really, Ellen? John Winchester's boys? Oh, Ellen, what would Billy think of you know?"

Jess feels the atmosphere shift.

The woman's gaze is hard like stone.

Sam and the-other-Winchester turn to the man in the same fluid movement, fury in their eyes, fists clenching.

Everyone else is dead silent.

The woman calmly blinks once. Then again. And then…

"Sam?"

Sam's body shows his attention shifts towards her, but his eyes never leave the man in front of him.

"Take him out"

It's half a second. Sam's fist fly, the man is down on the ground.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Now, the rest of you. I suggest you leave"

The other three gather the fallen one and start to head out. Sam says something to the other guy before turning back towards the bar and freezing.

His eyes lock on to hers.

Her heart gives one hard _thump_.

He blinks.

She stops breathing.

He swallows. Then whispers.

"_Jess_."


	4. Chapter 4

She runs

She runs back to the car they rented and she doesn't even know if her friends are following before they join her.

Sam stands there. Watching.

She has to get out. Her eyes are stinging and she is _not _going to do this. Not this. She is not going to cry in front of Sam Winchester, the man that thought so little of her he never even bothered to say goodbye.

Kara is on the driver's seat and getting them the hell out of there when she finally allows herself to cry.

Sometimes she feels like her whole life has been reduced to crying about Sam.

She thought she was over it. She really did.

She never got over him.

Kara, Carly and Tracy take turns holding her and bitching about men all through the night. She doesn't hear most of it. All she wants is to cry and die and sleep, not in any particular order.

Morning comes and she slips outside before the girls wake up. She needs coffee. She needs to be alone.

She does not need Sam Winchester sitting on the sidewalk across her hotel holding his head.

She stands there for a moment and contemplates turning back around and running from him again. Her eyes sting. Damn him. But she is already on the stage 2 of the Jessica Moore grieving process. She is past sad. She's pissed.

She crosses the street. His head shots up when she is halfway through.

"What the hell are you doing here?", she shouts. She can't help it.

He looks at her like he didn't even heard what she said.

He smiles. The son of a bitch smiles.

"Jess…"

He gets up and steps up towards her. She shots up a hand.

"No."

He looks down. He looks… sad?

"Jess…", he takes a deep breath and she feels her anger melting. Son of a…

"…I'm so sorry."

She's crying. When did she start crying?

He's holding her. When did he reach out for her?

"I'm so sorry, Jess. I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you, I love you, I'm so sorry…."

It's…he loves her? He… _what_?

Jess feels her whole world shatter at the words she wanted to hear every day for the past two years. She can't stop crying. He holds her tighter.

It's Sam. He's bulkier, his eyes are harder, but he's Sam. He smells the same, he sounds the same, her head still fits at his shoulder. It's Sam.

Sam.

"Sam…"

She untangles herself from his arms and looks at him straight in the eyes.

There are tears pooling there.

She never saw Sam cry.

And then all her rehearsals, all her speeches, all her rage, they are just… gone.

She forces herself to ask the only question that really matters.

"Why?"


	5. Chapter 5

"Why?"

Sam takes a hard, shaky, long breath before he looks at her with those piercing green eyes she missed so much.

"Because I love you."

Jess shakes her head, trying to get her tears under control. She didn't miss his present tense. But… really?

"Oh… okay. You dumped me because you loved me?", she changes the tense on purpose. "You left me in the middle of the night, with not even a good-bye note… because you loved me?"

Sam cringes.

"Tell me how that even makes sense?"

His answer takes her by surprise.

"How well did you really know me, Jess?"

She pulls back, but he holds her hands in his and she can't force her way out. His stare never falters.

"I never talked about my family, Jess. About my past. I insisted on keeping a loaded gun in the house. I wrote symbols on our door frames. I woke up screaming from nightmares three times a week. How well did you really know me? Really"

She just stares at him. He shakes his head, drops it down and snorts something akin to pain.

"My family…", he stops himself. "No, no… that's not right… My life… my life is dangerous. I thought I could get out of it, you know?", he looks back at her and he's crying now. His left hand lets go of her to dry his eyes. "I really did.".

Sam smiles the saddest smile she ever saw. No light in it. "But I couldn't. And… I loved you so much. I love you so much. Jess, still…you have no idea how much I miss you… God…", he lets go of her entirely now. Turns his back.

Jess is dumbstruck silent as he continues. "I love you and that's why I had to leave you and I had to make it look like I didn't care about you. Because my life is dangerous and you were in danger by being with me and I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something happened to you…"

Jess doesn't know what to say. Just… what? A part of her brain that sounds like Kara is yelling "bullshit", but… he's Sam. Sam…caring and loving and nice. Half the problem of the past two years was her inability to match her Sam to a guy that left without a note.

She doesn't know what to say.

But then Sam's turning around and holding her and kissing her and, oh god, she missed him. She missed him so much and she melts against him and it's Sam. It's _Sam_.

He holds her head in his hands tenderly after the kiss ends and just stares at her for minutes that are both too long and too short. He smiles.

She knows this is good-bye.

"I love you. I do. I never stopped loving you. I miss you everyday".

He kisses her again and then he turns around and walks out.

Jess watches him go and get himself in a black car she recognizes from a picture.

He doesn't look back.

Her eyes have dried and she thinks she should be pissed at him, maybe, but she can't.

She understands, even if she doesn't.

Somehow, she feels saved.


End file.
